I want to share a brief exchange I had with a friend over text this morning. (Edited for typos)
Friend: “Hoping to come to my son’s for Christmas… but feeling a little fearful and concerned that hospitals are overwhelmed with patients. Any thoughts on this for this older gentleman?”
Me: “I love you. This is not a good time to come to LA or visit. I know it’s very hard to think about not being with family on Christmas but truly this is a very bad time for people to be getting together. I love you way too much and don’t want anything to happen to you or your family. The rates of infection in LA right now are out of control.”
Friend: “Thanks Michelle… The still small voice within my soul keeps saying the same stuff to me. Sometimes it’s hard to know the difference between that voice and the voice of fear. That’s why I always tell people to get a second opinion from a smart doctor preferably one that loves you.”
Me: “I am so glad you have paused to listen to that still small voice. Please be safe and pass my thoughts onto any others whom it would help. I can completely understand wanting to not make decisions out of fear. Choosing to stay home right now is actually an active and fierce choice of love and wanting to care for others 🙂 I love you.”
When my friend explained that he did not want to make a choice out of fear, it helped me better understand one of the reasons that so many people are currently struggling with the idea of NOT getting together with family and friends.
In normal circumstances, we go to great lengths to see the ones we love, especially at this time of year. In our minds, going to great lengths to see friends and family is a way of showing your love and caring. Usually it makes sense to try and get past your fears or anxieties in order to get together with the people that you love and care about. The problem is that in this current pandemic, the same rules just don’t apply.
What feels so right can actually have devastating effects. We need to hold our deep desire to connect with others and realize that at this time connecting physically, being in the same space and swapping air comes with too great of a risk to the ones that we love.
Here in LA County we are experiencing unprecedented rates of infection, hospitalizations and deaths. It is by far the most dangerous time we have encountered since the beginning of the pandemic. Hospitals are inundated with patients and the healthcare system is under tremendous strain. I know this and feel it on a very personal level working as an Emergency Room physician.
I have trouble sleeping at night. I think about the patients I have seen, the ones that haven’t made it and their families that never got to see them again. I see the faces of patients grappling with the thought of needing to call their elderly parents and friends and break the news that they are positive for COVID. I see the faces of all the amazing staff, the nurses, the doctors, the techs, the clerks, the cleaning staff and the administrative staff, working around the clock.
In making a decision to STAY HOME at this time and not get together with people outside of your own household you are not making a decision based in FEAR, you are making a really tough decision based in LOVE. Love for your friends, your family and our collective community.
I think the fear we need to let go of is that we aren’t strong enough to make the tough choices. We absolutely can make it through the holidays without our normal traditions. We CAN put a pause on our social gatherings, play dates and get togethers. Yes, it’s frustrating and challenging… but we can do this. Our relationships can weather these hard conversations. We can survive our loneliness and disappointment. What we can’t do is bring back the loved ones we have lost to COVID.
We are all in this together. As Dr. Sircar, infectious disease physician at Providence Little Company of Mary Medical Center said in a previous interview (paraphrased), “As healthcare workers we are not the front line. We are where people end up when all the other necessary interventions have failed (or not even been tried). Our community is our front line, we need them to provide the best defense possible by keeping themselves and their loved ones from getting infected. Everyone can do this by avoiding swapping air with others.”
I hope that many of you will find creative ways this holiday season to connect with your family and friends virtually. We need to practice physical distancing while staying socially connected so can to support each other during this challenging time. I am looking forward to connecting with my own family over zoom on Christmas.